Monday, October 10, 2011

Hysteria Race Day

Long ago a man named Christopher Columbus decided that he would like a holiday that bears his name. So he went to Queen Elizabeth and asked three boats to cross the ocean. I wanted to prove that the world was flat and no body would fall over the edge. He also wanted a bit of black pepper from the East Indies, Spain pepper cache was low and the meat tasted horrible without it.

The queen gave him a boat, but argued that Chris needed a small fleet of ships for the trip.

"I, Elizabeth! That's a big ocean out there," he complained, "Girl, this is not going to be three-hour tour you know. I need two more ships to use as backup." Columbus had seen what happened to the USS Minnow and flatly refused to spend several seasons of TV on an island in the way Gilligan and the Captain had done.

So the Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain gave Columbus three ships: the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. In his view, giving the Titanic too, but decided to save the ship from the tragedy of 1912 and the film of the same name.

Because the ships did not have onboard GPS navigation Columbus had to use a compass to give him direction during the day. It relied on the stars in the direction at night, unless, of course, was clear, in which case they act like most men and say, "I know the way. I do not need no stinking map."

After months of sailing in a circle the ship's crew asked 'Are We There Yet "and asked to go home. But by this time have been irretrievably lost, however, flatly refused to Columbus to stop and ask for directions.

Suddenly, one of the crew of the ship discovered the land. While visions of pizza and pasta, cable TV, a clean motel bed and a hot shower and fills their heads directed inward. The year was 1492, the date of October 12.

Colon said the men who had landed in India. He called the natives "Indians" and promised that someday would own casinos.

But this was not India. The ship had landed at a place called San Salvador in the Bahamas. Although the New World and "The Americas" had always been there, this was the first time anyone in Europe who had never met. This opened a new channel for the industry of rock 'n' roll hair styles.

The first celebration in honor of that recorded the discovery of America by Europeans took place on October 12, 1792 in New York. Out of respect for Columbus, there were only 27 robberies and 10 shootings that occur on that day.

The San Francisco Italian community held their first Columbus Day celebration in 1869. They celebrated throwing rice-a-Roni ® from a cable car.

In 1892, President Benjamin Harrison urged citizens to participate in celebrating the 400th anniversary of Columbus' first voyage. It was during this event that the Pledge of Allegiance, written by Francis Bellamy, was recited publicly for the first time. Strangely not a single objection to the phrase "one nation under God" in this prayer for the first time by the public.

In 1934, President Roosevelt proclaimed October 12 as Columbus Day. But like his normal procedure of government officials changed the date of October 12 to something more suitable for your schedule.

Now, each year the United States takes the second Monday of October to celebrate the accidental discovery of America and the birth of "Bahamas cruise."

Happy Columbus Day ... no matter what day celebration.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


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